You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
