I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
