Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
