Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
