If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
