well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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