he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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