Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
