before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
