but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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