We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
