Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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