the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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