i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
porn star boner night. come get it.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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