so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
