I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
