She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
