My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
