Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
