You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
