the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
