I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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