Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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