3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
