You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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