Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
