My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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