$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
