yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
