You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
