how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
