My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
