as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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