He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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