My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
