Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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