The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
