hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
