so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
