Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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