Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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