The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
