with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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