The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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