That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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