Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
