Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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