Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
