Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
His hands were made for my vagina.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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