OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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