I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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