it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
